I honestly completely forgot about this website, but I’m back now so let’s get down to business. I started Sophomore year 3 weeks ago and it’s been going pretty good. I’m still falling for the guy that just wants to be friends. Crazy stuff. Apparently he started talking to a girl. This girl and I used to hate eachother, now I’m just not find of her at all. I told this chick what I thought about them having a “thing” (I hate it, because I don’t like the girl at all and she doesn’t deserve him). Well he texted me today asking why I hated her and it took him forever for him to finally understand. Now, I’m a little shaky and just needed to get things off my chest. Blogging about it anonymously is sooooo much better than writing it in a journal. A journal can be found easily by your family or your friends, and my handwriting sucks so. It’s just easier to type everything up. Right now, I don’t feel like I can trust anyone, but I’m naive and always trust everyone. I really need to stop that, but I don’t know how to do that without shutting everyone out. There is only one person that I immediately think of when I’m trying to think of people I’m positive I can trust. Thank god I have this chick in my life, I tell her everything. She knows way more than I even let my #1 bestfriend know (we’ve drifted apart in the past year). I wish I could trust my other friends, in my heart, I want to tell them everything, but I know I can’t without it getting spread around somehow. The good thing about me, I only tell one person one certain thing, and if someone else comes and says something to me about it, I know exactly who told. Then they’re never to be trusted again. NEVER. I hate when I have to lose trust in someone but I guess it’s a part of life so I have no choice but to suck it up and move on. OKAY MOVING ON to a different topic. Classes are great, I actually have my friends in my lunch period this year. Last year’s lunch was HELL. Not really any people have pissed me yet. Might actually go to homecoming this year. Venting on here always makes me feel better ❤
Soo, I haven’t kept this up for a while. But anyways, Summer is almost over! It’s crazy! It went by SO fast just like last year. Seriously, what the heck? I have to admit, I am actually one of the few people who are actually excited about going back to school. I need socialization NOW. I have been so disconnected this summer. I guess it’s good that I wasn’t so plugged in. I got to relax and only worry about me. Who doesn’t want that? Guaranteed 100% drama free summer. I just kept wondering what was going on with everyone else, though. Oh well, I went shopping for school clothes and I can’t wait to show off my toned up body in them ❤ ONE MORE WEEK! 🙂
Today, I realized how precious life is. I realized this when I saw a Facebook page about a girl from a high school near mine who passed away a year ago. So many people were affected by this, you should see the comments. Her best friend NEVER failed to post something on her facebook wall to let her know what happened at school and how much she misses her. Kylie, I don’t know you, but you have really inspired me. I mean, I have always been grateful for every day that I have lived, but now… I realize that I need to live my life to the fullest and just spread the love. I’m not gonna go another day without saying I love you to everyone I care about, because I don’t know when I will be taken away from the Earth. Thank you so much, Kylie, for showing me not to take any day for granted. I’m praying for you girl.
Today, I decided to let go of all my grudges. The feeling of not hating people anymore and starting out on a new slate feels… well I can’t really explain how it feels. I guess amazing sums it up pretty well. I usually don’t hold grudges, but it’s different if I knew these bad things were going to happen. People think that if someone says they are going to let go of a grudge, then they automatically forget about what happened. That’s not how it works. Letting go of a grudge means I’m always going to remember what happened, but I’m just not going to hate you for it anymore. It also means that if you do it to me again, then I’m completely done with you and the grudge is being held again. I suggest people don’t do bad things so I don’t have to hold grudges. Thanks.
I miss being a little kid. I know that everyone says it but it’s so true. It feels like we have to pay a price to grow up. No more piggy-back rides from Daddy, getting away with making mistakes or just doing bad things in general, and no more nap time. That’s what pisses me off the most. I loved nap time. Now I feel sleep deprived. Everything was so simple back then. You didn’t have to worry about your boyfriend cheating on you or doing homework. It was so carefree and you always had fun. Little kids these days… They know so much, almost too much. I think they’re being corrupted by all these weird cartoons, like Spongebob. I love Spongebob, but it doesn’t teach them anything. They should still have Rugrats, Rocket Power, CatDog, and The Angry Beavers. Those were my favorite tv shows because they were so original. Mainly, I just wish that when I’m having a bad day I could zap back to being 4 or 5 and just forget about it all. That would be amazing.
I can’t stand it when people give up. Even though I am one of those people. I give up on love because deep down, it scares me. I don’t feel worthy enough to be loved, I’m trying to change that about myself. So far it’s getting better. I give up on my friends because I get sick of them. I feel like some people give up on me, so I give up on them in return. I wish I could be brave enough to stop giving up, to stop pushing people away. I’m a people pusher. I’m determined to put this to an end.